Alice Shaw Photo

Everything has already been done

2011-12-13T17:11:00.000-08:00

I am working on a landscape project so I had to go to Yosemite. I had only been there once in the middle of winter on a high school trip and we drove into the valley, got out of the van, got back in and drove out. This time I went there with my gay boyfriend, Kurt. If you ever go camping bring a gay boyfriend. The menu was fabulous. On the first night we had wild mushroom stuffed quail with wild rice and butternut squash. Remember, we were camping. The first night it rained till dawn and it was one of the best nights sleep I've ever had. On the second morning after the fog had cleared we realized that we had a view of Yosemite Falls. Kurt asked me if I though that when the light hit the mist just right it might create a rainbow. "Probably," I said. Seconds later I heard him making noise with a mouth full of turkey, bacon, tomato, and avocado sandwich. I turned and he was pointing at the falls. There was the rainbow. I'd wanted to go to Yosemite, in part, to photograph a waterfall in black and white so I could add a rainbow with paint over the top of it. But nature did it for me. My friend, Joel, said if Disney made a national park it would look like Yosemite. I think he's right.

It's All The Same

2011-12-01T10:17:00.000-08:00

I saw this photo in the paper yesterday. It is an image of all the men working to solve the European Union's debt crisis. It says they are four different men but to me it looks like they are all the same man.

Thoughts

2011-11-23T20:30:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here waiting for my new digital camera to arrive so I can go out and take pictures. I'm waiting for my new technology so I can get back to nature. Something to ponder. I'm working on a landscape project and as I am doing it two doctors have told me that I shouldn't be living in the city. That I should go live in the country. Does art copy life or life copy art? I've said this once and I'll say it again, "Usually my photographs are smarter than I am."

Crabby

2011-10-31T17:26:00.000-07:00

I couldn't think of anything to be for Halloween so I asked my 4 1/2 year old nephew what I should dress up as. He told me I should be a crab but I don't know if I feel like going out tonight. My friend Kurt says I'm a hermit crab.

Passport Photo Pass or Fail

2011-10-14T16:30:00.000-07:00

If you were going to choose a passport photo which would you choose? Crooked face number 1 with wide angle lens and florescent lighting from Wallgreen's or crooked face number 2 with flash from Wolf Camera? Damned right. Screw Wallgreen's. I'm not going to Brazil looking like that. Brazil here I come!

Confusion Hill

2011-10-08T09:38:00.000-07:00

I recently stayed in a motel in Placerville. The heart of the Gold Country. I was there for a wedding at Sutter's Mill. The hotel manager treated me like a princess and gave me the suite. It was the only room with a patio and it had a view of the creek. To the right of the creek was a cute little shack that was made to look like it was falling down the hill but now it really was falling down the hill.

No Post Post

2011-10-03T14:03:00.001-07:00

Nothing to report. All projects covert.

Nerding it up

2011-09-19T17:09:00.001-07:00

George of the Jungle

2011-09-09T22:18:00.000-07:00

George Kuchar, one of my film teachers, passed away recently. When I was in school for photography I took a few classes with a guy who was in the film department. He had come to the San Francisco Art Institute to study with George but couldn't get a class with him for a year. He had never met George and when he finally walked into George's classroom he was confused. He'd seen this homeless guy hanging around the school who carried a plastic bag with him and took showers in the bathroom. Turns out it was George. George was one of those teachers who would remember everyone's name on the first day of school and he never forgot it. Ever. Here is a letter to my friend Francis sent 18 years after I took his class.

Moving Up

2011-09-06T18:15:00.000-07:00

I recently graduated from a meditation class that took up three nights of my week. One of my classmates asked me what I was going to do with my free time. "Maybe I'll go on a date!" I said.

"I thought you already had a boyfriend," she said. I looked confused so she went on. "I thought you were dating that man that I've seen you with around here." I had no idea who she was talking about. Later it came to me. Gerald! She thought I was dating a 24 year old black man. 24 is not a man that is still a boy. I do think black men are the bomb but I like them about 26 years older than 24. Like, say, Idris Elba.

Deja vu or just bad genes

2011-08-07T15:00:00.000-07:00

I didn't realize this till afterwards but the same thing happened to me last year. I woke up the other morning to a Bluejay making a whole lot of noise. Later in the day I went out to deliver the rent check across the street and all the gangstas who smoke pot on my front stairs were sitting there. I said something about the noisy bird and on of them said, "Yeah. And there is another one down there." He pointed to the stairs by the mailboxes. "The other one keeps feeding it," he continued. He had pointed at a big baby Bluejay puffball sitting on the edge of a flower pot. "Oh, no!" I said. "Something is going to eat it." "Don't pick it up! It will bite you!" Yelled one of the gangstas. I picked it up and put it in the pocket of my hoodie then went and got the ladder from the back yard. The gangstas held the ladder for me while I put the baby Bluejay in the tree. A week later he is still there. Now he has a tail and wings and is practicing his flying techniques. Last year was not such a happy story. This baby Bluejay is much smarter than his brother.

A Real Hum Dinger

2011-07-28T14:52:00.000-07:00

Today I went to Rainbow Grocery, the local natural food store, and I parked next to a Hummer in the garage. I can't believe the parking attendant even let it in there. Rainbow is so militant they don't even sell meat products at that store. Except for the dog and cat food. But don't tell them. I don't think they know it.

The Great Flood of York Street

2011-07-18T17:11:00.000-07:00

Workers broke a water main up the street from my house. It was exciting. Something out of the ordinary. But most of all it made it look like someplace else.

Fourth of July

2011-07-16T23:41:00.000-07:00

I went on a camping trip for the fourth of July weekend. Before I left I went and got my legs waxed. The woman asked me all the normal questions. Do I have kids, do I have a husband, what will I be doing for the holiday. As I was leaving she said to me, "Maybe you will get a boyfriend on your camping trip." I kind of did. I got a pain in my neck. From sleeping on the ground. Three twisted vertebra that were pinching two nerves. I totally have to break up.

Better Than Fair

2011-07-02T07:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to the fair. This is what I ate:

1. Corn Dog
2. Lemonade
3. Ice cream
4. Nachos
5. Pizza
6. Hot dog

Twins

2011-06-29T00:02:00.000-07:00

I have two sisters. Right now one is in Mexico and the other is in New Mexico.

When my nephew was learning to talk he called my sister Whitney Te Te. My brother Virgil called her Teats for short. Whitney is the sister who is in Mexico and and nobody where she is staying can pronounce her name so they call her Weenie. Her two nicknames are Teats and Weenie.

Irony

2011-06-18T12:57:00.000-07:00

Finally

2011-06-16T15:53:00.000-07:00

Finally I went somewhere different. I went over to my friends apartment for dinner and here are some photos of the view.

Dong

2011-06-03T23:11:00.000-07:00

The other night my brother was at the bar. He had a few drinks and was talking to some hot chicks and this guy in a white t-shirt wedged his way in between my brother and the hot chicks to get a drink. My brother happened to have a Sharpie on him so he pulled it out and drew a cock and hairy balls on the back of the guys t-shirt. He never even felt it.

Sac Show

2011-05-14T09:40:00.001-07:00

Here are some images from my show in Sacramento. I'm looking at the death of photography, the death of the landscape, and the death of landscape photography. I'm combining photography and sculpture. Well, they uploaded backwards and I could only upload 4 images but you get the idea.

1. Timber, 2011. Redwood and gelatin silver prints
2. Structure, 2011. Wood, found and gelatin silver print
3. Kindling, 2011. Found gelatin silver prints
4. Heavy Metals In The Air #1, 2011. Found gelatin silver prints
5. Heavy Metals In The Air #2, 2011. Found gelatin silver prints
6. Heavy Metals In The Air #3, 2011. Found gelatin silver prints
7. The Sky Is Falling, 2011. Found gelatin silver print and photo card
8. Land Slide, 2011. Thirty-six Ektachrome slides
9. Positive Negative, 2011. Negative film in slide mount
10. Tumble, 2011. Gelatin silver print, rocks and found frame
11. Re(f)use, 2011. Pinhole camera made from garbage and gelatin silver print
12. Mistake, 2011. Gelatin silver print
13. Negative Impact, 2011. Gelatin silver print

Aura Update

2011-05-03T17:26:00.000-07:00

Last year I went to the New Living Expo (a.k.a the Psychic Fair) and got my aura photographed by this guy who had me put my hand on a metal plate that was connected to the camera. Then took a Polaroid. Next I waited in line for one of his hot female readers to tell me what it all meant. The pink aura is from last year. The only thing I can remember from that reading is I was told that I had some heart ache because of the magenta over my heart. It was true. This year the photo looked very different. Green, white, yellow, AND orange. The reader told me I have a shield over my heart that I put up but I forget to take it off. There is an empty space over my throat where my voice is being herd. The white over my head represents enlightenment while the yellow shows that I have great personal power. She looked at the orange and told me that I would make a good teacher. This years picture is progress from last years but I like the pink better.

Champs Again

2011-01-11T16:53:00.000-08:00

We were the league champions once again this past season. We would have really kicked ass if the kid in the front of the photo had been playing. I'm not kidding. One time the other team didn't show up for a game so we just had a scrimmage with our own team and that kid made more goals than anyone else. And we weren't being nice and letting him win either.

Flowers

2010-12-18T19:00:00.000-08:00

Today someone bought me the most beautiful bouquet of flower. This person is one of the nicest people you will ever meet. And funny and generous. Oh, wait, I bought them for myself.

Midnight Call

2010-11-09T16:57:00.000-08:00

On Sunday at 2 a.m. someone called on my cell phone. My alarm clock is broken so I have to use my cell phone for an alarm and I can't turn it off. My phone didn't ID the caller. I looked at the number and there were way too many digits. I put it down and went back to sleep. In the morning I looked up the country code. 88. Bangladesh. The only person I know from Bangladesh is my friend Raj so I sent him and email to see if he was there. Nope. Since my name starts with A I am often the first person someone's phone calls by accident. On Sunday night I was talking to a friend and he happened to mentioned that he'd gone out on Saturday night with his best friend to celebrate the Indian New Year. His friend is East Indian. Maybe it was just a drunk person celebrating and calling by accident. Then I realized there is only one other person I knew was in that part of the world that night. President Barack Obama. I bet it was him. I should have answered the phone.

Justice

2010-11-07T08:13:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I was walking home and I passed a man who was yelling at his daughter because she was doing something very bad. He kept yelling her name and telling her what it was she was doing that he didn't approve of. Her name was Justice.

Will It Ever Let Up?

2010-11-02T20:56:00.000-07:00

First there was Halloween, then the Giants won the World Series. Now it is election day and I just heard all this drumming and yelling so I went outside and the Day of the Dead Parade is passing by my house. Tomorrow the Giants will have a parade that winds its way around downtown. I wonder what Thursday has in store for us?

On Monday I was at my brother's house listening to game 5 of the World Series on the radio but I had to leave in the 6th inning to go to my meditation class. How distracting is that? In the middle of our trance we heard cheers coming in from outside. "A three run homer!" you could hear someone say outside on Valencia Street. It wasn't long after that the city burst. People were screaming and honking their horns. Pretty soon it was so loud you couldn't hear yourself think even though we weren't supposed to be thinking. When I left class I got on my bike and headed around the corner for a bar on 22nd and Mission where my friend the is the bartender. When I turned the corner all I saw was a mob crowding the intersection. I locked my bike outside the bar and walked into the middle of the madness. You couldn't tell how far in either direction the crowd extended. People were going nuts. They were dancing, drinking, yelling, and climbing buildings and street posts. There was an old woman capitalizing on the event by frantically trying to gather as many cans and bottles as she could. People were flattening their cans for her. I was standing there wishing I had a beer and, just then, these two men came up to me, one shook my hand and the other handed me a beer. Then they were gone into the see of orange. Every few minutes a car would work it's way into the intersection and peel out and excite and frighten the crowd. I imagine it is like this every day in Brazil. I ran into a friend and was talking to her when we both heard a noise and turned around. People were running full blast at us. Everyone ran to the sidewalks. Behind the fleeing crowd were the riot police making their way down the street. When they got to the corner they stopped. Immediately beer bottles started exploding around them. I tried to take a picture with my phone but I needed to get out of there so it came out blurry. I headed for the bar. Inside it was warm and cozy and there was a jazz band playing quietly. Outside was the crowd, sirens, and lights flashing. I was there for an hour before I decided to brave the streets. The riot police were still there but the crowd was much smaller. The intersection was between me and my house. As soon as I unlocked my bike the cop cars that were there went screaming off and I made my way through the glass to my home and my bed.

Halloween

2010-10-21T16:57:00.000-07:00

Last year on Halloween I asked my friend, Raghu from India, what he was going to be for Halloween. He said that he wanted to be a cowboy but that he didn't have enough time to get the costume together. I was dying of laughter inside when he told me this. Raghu is pronounced just like the spaghetti sauce. So, put that together with a cowboy who is of the west and you get a Spaghetti Western.

OR

He would have been a cowboy and an indian at the same time.

Don't Do This

2010-09-30T21:02:00.001-07:00

Don't ride your bike to the soccer field and lean the bike up against the fence without locking it then go play your soccer game and, when you are done, go get in Tony's car and drive away.

Chances

2010-09-04T15:38:00.000-07:00

There are roughly 815,358 residents in the City of San Francisco and I can't find one man to go on a date with. OK. 49.2% of those are women so that leaves 414,202 men. 15.4% of all residence are homosexual so that means 7.7% or so of men are gay. That leaves 382,308 straight men. 45.1% are white so we will have to excuse them. That leaves 209,887. 13.87% of those men are between the ages of 45 and 54. So, now I'm left with 29,102 of which 44.04% are married. Subtract them and I'm left with 16,285 eligible bachelors. But, really, how many of those would I really be interested in? 1. Where is he? Maybe he's on the Peninsula.

Assumptions

2010-08-28T16:46:00.000-07:00

If I made a portrait from the assumptions people have made of me over the past month or so I would be a 55 yr. old divorced vegetarian lesbian who only drinks non-fat milk and who teaches grammar school. Hmm. Interesting.

Looking Good For My First Week of Class

2010-08-22T19:29:00.000-07:00

On Sunday Aug. 8th my soccer season started back up with my beloved Brazilian team. It was a good game but I got hit in the face with the ball. The next weekend I got hit in the face with the ball. Today I got hit in the face with the ball. I should play the lottery.

Year Without A Summer

2010-08-18T08:14:00.000-07:00

The Eskimos have a legend about a year without a summer some time ago. The birds did not migrate north. The fish did not come home to spawn. The spring grasses did not sprout because the sun never shown through the clouds. Many people and animals died.

Escape to LA

2010-08-15T20:22:00.001-07:00

I went to LA to get out of the cold foggy summer weather that has been plaguing us for months now but it was cold and foggy in LA too. So much for my summer vacation. So much for summer. School starts again on Tuesday. At least they have Balboa Bars down in So. Cal. A Balboa Bar is a block of vanilla ice cream with a stick in it. They dip it in chocolate then roll it in any topping you want. Crushed Oreo cookies, gummy worms, sprinkles, etc. I like the chopped peanuts. It was worth the trip.

Christmas

2010-08-11T14:58:00.000-07:00

I woke up yesterday and thought, "It's so cold I'm going to go out and get a Christmas Tree and have a tree trimming party with egg nog and mulled wine." I think there is a Christmas tree farm just outside of Half Moon Bay. I'll have to be sure to take the coastal route just incase the pass is closed.

Winter Soup Recipe

2010-08-03T17:09:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

Since it is colder than fucking hell here in San Francisco this summer I thought I'd post the Winter Soup Recipe. Sorry I can't supply you with violent wind and the sound of an annoying neighbor dog yapping in the background. I'm sure that would make it taste all the better. Put on your wool scarf and break out the red wine (You'll need some for the soup too).

Winter Soup

3 teaspoons butter
3 medium onions, chopped
1 clove garlic
1 pound ground beef
3 cups beef broth
28 oz. can chopped tomatoes
1 cup cubed potato
2 celery stalks
3 medium carrots
1 cup green beans
1 cup dry red wine
1/2 teaspoon basil
1/4 teaspoon thyme
salt and pepper to taste

Cook onion in butter. Add beef and garlic and cook. Add remaining ingredients and cook. Goes well with buttermilk corn bread but you can find your own damned recipe for that.

Fuck It

2010-07-20T20:33:00.001-07:00

Tonight I gave in and turned the heat on. It's July 20th and I have the heat on. Cold, windy, foggy, and dark. Summer in San Francisco.

Rapids

2010-07-17T17:31:00.000-07:00

Over the 4th of July weekend I went on a 4 day canoe trip down the Eel River. There were 27 of us. 20 adults and 7 kids. My friend has been making this an annual trip for about 30 years. At this point it is so well organized you don't really have to think about anything except when you are going to have your next beer. I got so relaxed on the trip that all of my ailments went away and my sense of humor came back. On one of the days we only saw one other person besides the folks in our group. We also got to see a bald eagle. He was looking stoic high up on a branch of a big tree above the river. On the first day of our journey people were running into rocks and having to bail water from their canoes. I told my brother that we were NOT going to let that happen to us. The day after that we came into some rapids and hit a rock broadside and flipped the canoe. My brother grabbed his 3 year old son and I went after the canoe. We are still blaming the incident on someone's 40 lb. watermelon that ended up in our cooler.

Before I left for the trip I cleaned out some items from the pantry that I knew I was never going to use even if there was an earthquake. Like the non-dairy creamer that has been in there for years. In my neighborhood you can put anything out on the sidewalk and someone will take it away and use it. So, I gathered a box of food from the pantry and set it out for people to take. They took everything but the non-dairy creamer. I took it back inside and thought, "Well, maybe I should take it on the camping trip just incase we run out of milk."

When we flipped our canoe we were just around the corner from where everyone else had stopped to set up for lunch. As they were organizing lunch they noticed some mash mallows go by. Then a hat. Then they swam out to collect the rest of our stuff. It wasn't until later that night that my brother and I realized that a bottle of Maker's Mark and two bottles of wine had been lost to the river. But someone had managed to save the non-dairy creamer. It floated downstream upright in it's half empty plastic container.

It has been two weeks since our trip. Some of my ailments are back and I have forgotten what a sense of humor is. My brother came by today to drop off some things I had left in his car. Some sunscreen, a towel, and the non-dairy creamer. It is safe and sound back home in its place.

Go USA!

2010-06-24T10:52:00.000-07:00

I hurt my foot and can't play soccer for 8 weeks but at least I get to watch it. I haven't had enough sleep since the World Cup started. I have to get up early to find somewhere to watch it. I don't have a television anymore and my old computer won't support it live. Sometimes I watch the games at Lynn's house, sometimes at Bill place, but, most of the time I see the games at the new Hispanic rocker cafe down the street from my house. It's called Rock Nation. Usually it is just me, a huge leather couch and a big screen TV. Oh, and Sergio or Angelo. At first I thought they were the same person. They look almost exactly the same and they wear the same headband. The one who used to be a competitive bicyclist is the one who doesn't ride his bike to work. That's how I remember who is who.

Yesterday the US played like Brazilians against Algeria. Not the Beautiful Game but the exciting game. They pushed it right up to the end. Just to make everyone a little nervous and keep folks entertained. That's how the Brazilians I know play.

I heard that the prisoners at Guantanamo Bay were very invested in the US vs. Algeria game because Algeria is a muslin nation. They wanted to see the muslims come out ahead just this once. The guards were ordered not to respond to the outcome in any way.

On the world's soccer stage the once prevailing mullet seems to have been replaced by the gay mohawk. At least that's what we call it here. It used to be a gay signature but now even the muslims are sporting them. Do they know? Should someone tell them? No, it's funny. Like the Tea Party folks calling themselves "tea baggers." It gets a chuckle from us here in SF every time we hear it.

4X

2010-05-16T20:11:00.000-07:00

My Brazilian soccer team won it's fourth championship in a row. It was bittersweet. That was good news but there was some bad news too. They decided to take next season off. What do they expect me to do with my Sundays now? Today I went to a yoga class instead. Yuck. Boring. I did not see one handsome Brazilian man there. Not even a sweaty Costa Rican or a hairy Portuguese man. Nobody gave me a hug and said, "Hello, my love," and nobody made me laugh my ass off. I did not get to sit in the sun and watch the next game then go out and eat a big breakfast with the other two ladies on the team. I can't wait for the next season.

Something I've Always Wanted To Do

2010-05-02T12:00:00.000-07:00

This weekend the Psychic Fair was in town. I went down there with one task in mind and that was to have my aura photographed. I have a few books about photographs of "the invisible" and they all include aura Polaroid portraits and I've always wanted to have one of myself. I have to say that I've never seen so many kooks in one place at the same time. Well, except for the Renaissance Pleasure Fair when I was about 5. There were a lot of con artists the Psychic Fair too and they kept trying to get in the way of my mission. I got attached my a woman doing henna tattoos. I got cornered by a short, bald New Yorker with my phone number on his mind. There were people rubbing greasy crystals on women's faces to eliminate their wrinkles, there was a man playing a very long didgery doo that was pointed at the chest of a woman with her eyes closed, and people selling flowing gowns like the ones Stevie Nicks wears. Just to list a few of the things I observed. Before I left the house to go to the fair my housemate asked me if I thought my aura was going to be pink. "I'll just have to wait and see." Here is the photo.

Update

2010-03-23T16:37:00.000-07:00

My brother thinks that the word "update" is dated. The word "data" too. He likes both of those words together. "Data Update." It does sound very 70's. I would tell you what I've been up to but, first of all my students find my blog so I have to watch my p's and q's, but, also, if I told you what I've been doing lately you would most likely think I'd lost my mind AND gone crazy. Nope.

My New Favorite Photograph

2010-02-26T22:04:00.000-08:00

This is my new favorite found photograph. It's from a technical photography book called Photographic Printing published in 1977. I have no idea what is going on in the photo and the caption doesn't help one bit. I seem to be attracted to things that can't be explained. They can have so many meanings.

They Say Three Is A Charm

2010-02-21T19:27:00.000-08:00

Today was one of the best days ever. I woke up to the sound of rain, had my tea, and walked over to the soccer field by my house. Our team made it to the playoffs. If we won the first round we went on to the final. We won the first game AND the second game. It's the third time in a row we have won the league championship. I didn't get a photo of the team to post on the blog this time because as soon as the game ended it started raining again. I did, however, become the new owner of a bright orange Norcal Athletics t-shirt that says that I am, in fact, a championship. After the game Lynn and I came back to my house and made a huge breakfast. Then more tea and more rain. After that I went to the movies. Then more rain. I'm not crazy about Sundays but I love the rain and I love my soccer team. It was a good day.

A Big Week

2010-02-07T14:54:00.000-08:00

This week I had lunch with a friend because he wanted to let me know that he is going to put me in his will. A couple of days later my friend named her baby after me. The day after that I sold a piece of artwork from a show I am in with a bunch of Bay Area heavies. I am the only one to sell something so far! The day after THAT someone asked me to be their successor to manage an artists grant fund. I can't help but feeling very responsible all of a sudden.

And there is another one

2010-02-05T19:17:00.000-08:00

This Is Why I Like To Read The Morning Paper

2010-01-14T19:02:00.000-08:00

Cats

2009-12-17T19:14:00.000-08:00

Did you hear that Tiger Woods isn't really a tiger he's a cheetah. And I think I might officially be a cougar.

We Are The Champions! Again!

2009-11-09T14:45:00.000-08:00

Me and my Brazilian soccer team are the champions for the second season in a row. The first photo is from the first season and second is from this season. I can't wait for next season! It starts next weekend.

I Try Hard To Be A Girl. Really.

2009-11-02T14:37:00.000-08:00

It might not seem like it but I really do try very hard to be feminine. But I grew up on a ranch with 3 boys and I pretty much thought I was one till I was...well, ok, maybe I still think I am one. Anyway, yesterday, Sunday, when I went out to get in my car to go to my soccer game, I realized that I had a flat tire. On Saturday I got a brand new Macy's Visa card in the mail. Guess what is the only thing on my new Macy's card? Yep. Four new tires for my car. The guy at the tire shop told me I just bought new shoes for my car.

Marriage Proposal

2009-09-25T23:51:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I haven't told you. I was in Israel last April and while I was staying with my friends their house keeper came by to clean. She was from a nearby Arab town. When she met me she asked my friend, Sharon, where my husband was. When Sharon told her I didn't have a husband the woman looked confused. She asked Sharon if I had children and when Sharon said no she looked even more confused. She told Sharon that there was a man in her town who was looking to marry a woman just my age. A very nice man, she said. He was 70 and just out of prison. I thought it might be hard to sneak a 70 year old Arab man who had been in prisoned past Israeli security and into the U.S. so I guess I will have to go back. I have to go back anyway because I left a sock at my friends house when I did the laundry.

Ups and Downs

2009-09-12T09:24:00.000-07:00

This has been the best year of my life and the worst year of my life. And it's not over yet. You can see my latest show review in this months issue of Artforum.

Identity

2009-07-27T10:45:00.000-07:00

I always feel like nobody recognizes me and I think I might know why. Not too long ago someone pointed a gun at me and told me to give him my purse so I did. One of the items that was included in the package I gave him was my I.D. I've had the same photo on my drivers license for about 15 years and when I went to replace it they had me take a new one. Just to be clear, I do not go to a tanning salon and I do not dye my hair. I'm not sure what happened but I'm glad I have my brother, Virgil, who is the same coloring as me and has gone through the same changes I have. Just before I turned 40 I was so excited I couldn't wait. And when it finally happened I had to tell everybody. I was not happy being a young person and I think it shows here. I can't wait till I'm 80.

Viva Brazilia!

2009-06-28T17:17:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not talking about the FIFA Confederation Cup they won today in South Africa (it was a pretty exciting game but I wasn't sure who I was supposed to cheer for). I'm talking about my Brazilian soccer team. We won the league championship! We all got t-shirts! Then we went out and drank beer for about 5 hours. It was after 3 games and a fourth one we had to wait out. I've never eaten a hamburger so fast in my life. I think I only took one bite and it was gone. The best part about winning is that we are by far the oldest team in the league. Me being the youngest woman on the team and some of the men are at least 50. Most of my friends don't know I have this other life they just simply wonder why my face is always sunburned in the winter time. Now you you know why. If you ever want a good laugh come out and watch me chase giant men around the field. Everyone else thinks it's funny till I shut them down. Left fullback.

Merry Christmas!

2009-06-02T15:36:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I forgot to post this picture. It's my nephew Grey's Christmas photo.

You Might Not Recognize Me

2009-05-09T14:44:00.000-07:00

My trip to Israel must have taken its toll on me. Maybe it was the jet lag. Or the trip to the Dead Sea. Or prospect of the 70 yr. old Arab man who just got out of prison that someone there was trying to set me up with while I was there. Anyway, I was at the Goodwill last weekend and I found something I wanted so I went up to the counter to pay for it and the cashier asked me if I was a senior citizen.

Erez Golan and the Golan Heights

2009-05-06T18:33:00.000-07:00

Here is a photo of my friend, Erez Golan, in front of the Golan Heights. We were at the Sea of Galilee where Jesus walked on water. I tried it but it didn't work though I did run into a rock when I was swimming and got up on top of it and I think I tricked my friend for a second. But he is Jewish and they all believe that Jesus just knew where all the rocks were. I would almost believe it if someone told me that Jesus walked on the water at the Dead Sea. You couldn't sink there if you wanted to.

Black at the Dead Sea

2009-05-01T12:02:00.000-07:00

While I was in Israel my friends took me to the Dead Sea. The water is so salty that no organisms can live in it. Hence the name. You can get in the Dead Sea but you can't swim in it. If you try to swim you just flip over onto your back. You just sit there like you are in an inner tube but there is no inner tube. You don't even have to tread water. When you make the trip there it is traditional to smear black mud from the shore all over your body and let it dry before you wash it off. Basically a body mud mask. Just after I washed the mud off of me an Arab boy threw some rocks then stuck his tongue out at me. Maybe I should have left it on.

Mai

2009-04-22T10:17:00.000-07:00

This is a photograph of Mai. She lives at the house where I'm staying just outside of Tel Aviv. She is always eating and usually has both hands occupied with food. In this image she has figured out how to eat and still have her pacifier in her mouth. The first day she was here she kept calling me Grandma. She is not long for this world.

Notes from Tel Aviv

2009-04-21T13:48:00.000-07:00

I'm having a really hard time finding pork chops around this place.

Another Classic From Portland, OR

2009-04-16T14:21:00.001-07:00

This is from the Candy House.

Topiary at a valve and fitting company in Portland, OR.

2009-04-12T22:50:00.000-07:00

Today I made lemonade out of lemons

2009-03-18T21:42:00.000-07:00

Trauma on top of drama

2009-03-04T21:41:00.000-08:00

On monday night my car broke down then I got robbed at gunpoint.

My favorite latest newspaper article

2009-02-09T23:39:00.001-08:00

It was about a man who broke into a car with hammer and he happened to leave the hammer in the car. The hammer happened to have his name on it. His first and his last name. The police went to his house where they happened to find the stolen items from the car.

I got new glasses

2009-02-06T18:23:00.000-08:00

I got the works. Scratch resistant, anti-glare, progressive, transitional lenses. Kinda like the deluxe car wash.

Insult to Injury

2009-01-31T22:06:00.000-08:00

Good News, Bad News

2009-01-29T17:38:00.001-08:00

The good new is I don't have a job. The bad new is I don't have a job.

Absent

2009-01-25T14:07:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in a while because I almost died. I got this lung thing that almost killed me because, first, I smoked a cigarette, the next day I painted with enamel base paint and the day after that I sanded sheetrock. I should have been wearing a mask for all of those things.

I Started Smoking

2008-10-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

My life sucks dick right now. The other night I hit the breaking point. I cracked. I was on my way home from a terrible job and the only thing I thought could possibly make me happy was a cigarette. I don't smoke and I've never bought a pack of cigarettes before in my life. In high school I'd take a drag off of someone's cigarette every once in a while so I would look cool and get a rush. I haven't done that but a hand full of times since.

When I got home from work I parked my car and ran to the corner store. I didn't even know what to ask for. Luckily I remembered there was an add up in front of the store advertising those American Indian cigarettes. American Spirits. Right. I went in and asked for a pack. "Which ones," said my friend behind the counter. "The blue ones," I said. I didn't know what the difference was between the blue and yellow ones was and I still don't. All I know is they tasted just as good as I thought they would and, it was true, they made me happy.

I said I'd never bought a pack of cigarettes before but that was a lie. When I was about 20 years old I was in the Seven Eleven store by my folks house buying something. Probably a Slurpie. This little girl was in line in front of me and she was attempting to buy a pack of cigarettes with a big hand full of nickels. She said they were for her mom who was sick. She couldn't have been more that seven years old. The store keeper wouldn't sell them to her. "But my mom will be mad at me," said the little girl with a shaky voice. She left in defeat. I paid for my Slerpie and went outside and the girl was still there looking worried. I told her to give me the money. I asked her what she wanted and went back inside and placed and order. The man behind the counter was so mad at me but he traded me the money for the cigarettes.

Look At What My Car Did

2008-10-19T13:01:00.000-07:00

I had to pull over to take this photo. I was driving along and looked down as the numbers where turning over to 200,000. And speaking of my car, ok one of my cars, check this out. http://www.sfbg.com/entry.php?entry_id=7313&catid=77

Castles go to Europe

2008-07-25T18:21:00.000-07:00

Some of the work from my on going series, Castles of the United States of America, will be tourning Europe. They have used one of my images for the invite. http://goldrushshow.blogspot.com/ If there is a castle waiting to be photographed in your neighborhood let me know. I like castles with garage doors in them most. The shabbier the better. You know me.

Summer Weather in San Francisco

2008-07-18T19:30:00.000-07:00

Fall Weather in San Francisco

2008-07-18T19:29:00.002-07:00

Winter Weather in San Francisco

2008-07-18T19:06:00.001-07:00

Spring Weather in San Francisco

2008-07-18T19:04:00.000-07:00

Re-entry

2008-07-18T07:58:00.000-07:00

I just got back from 3 weeks in Maine. Mostly what I did there was eat. I am covered with a fine layer of pudge. My friend, George, was teaching a ceramics workshop at a place called Haystack and he got to bring a guest so he asked me. I took a workshop and I chose the mixed media class. I'm pretty sure I was channeling someone else while I was there. Some lady who likes to make serine landscapes in watercolors. Her name is Muffy. In New England George and I decided we were Chip and Muffy. Otherwise known as Chipper and Muffins. There were 90 people at the school and 3 of them were named Alice. When does that ever happen? One of them was in my class and she couldn't ever remember my name. I got to eat two lobsters while I was in Maine.

I think I know where I am

2008-07-03T19:07:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure I'm in Maine. I got here on Sunday and the fog was so soupy think there were no shadows cast. I couldn't tell which way was North, South, East or West. And I couldn't see further than about 20 feet away. I could hear boats going by my cabin on the shore but I couldn't see them. It felt like I was on an island. Oh, wait. I am on an island. Last night the wind picked up and pushed all the fog away. The coast is dotted with islands that are covered with forests. Now it is raining and I'm stuck in the library waiting for it to calm down. My friend George is teaching a workshop here and I am his guest. It is basically a workshop where people go to eat and drink too much. Then if you have any extra time you can take a class and make something.

Today I went to see another part of the island and get alcohol supplies with one of the other students. On our way back to the school we passed some kids selling lemonade. Eric said he was terribly sorry but he had to go back and get some. I told him I was also game. We went back and found out that it wasn't lemonade they were selling but rather Kool Aid. They said it was 25 cents and we told them we would up it to 50. Turns out it was diluted, warm Kool Aid. Eric asked what they were raising money for and when they said bible camp I saw his entire tense up. Then he asked where the bible camp was. When they said North he asked, "You mean there's more North that this?"

Two Words I Always Misspell

2008-06-26T19:10:00.001-07:00

Knowledge and Intelligent

It's Better To Be Nobody

2008-06-24T23:45:00.000-07:00

Quote from a letter by Charles Dodgson (aka Lewis Carroll) to Sydney Bowles May 23rd, 1891

In some ways, you know, people that don't exist, are much nicer than people that do. For instance, people that don't exist are never cross: and they never contradict you: and they never tread on your toes! Oh, they're ever so much nicer than people that do exist! However, never mind: you can't help existing you know: and I daresay you're just as nice as if you didn't.

Reason to move

2008-06-19T22:44:00.000-07:00

My best friend in junior high was a born liar, a cheat and a thief. Once a man dropped 10-dollar bill on the floor at the 7-11 and after I pointed it out to him she was so mad at me I thought she was going to kill me.

In the seventh grade she had a babysitting job after school that was two doors up the street from her house. The mother was a drop dead gorgeous blonde with a rich husband. Everything my friend wanted in life. After school the mom would pick up my friend and take her up the hill. Once I went with them and they stopped at the store and bought a can of chocolate frosting and ate the entire thing with their fingers before they got to the house. They didn’t even offer me any.

Both of my friend’s parents worked. We were often at her house alone. In the eight grade she started inviting boys over. The one’s she could manipulate. Whenever she got to the part where she wanted to play strip poker I would tell her I had to call my mom and check to see what time I had to be home. My mom would always tell me to come home whenever I wanted to. I would hang up the phone and say my mom wanted me home.

My friend left her first boyfriend, Mike, for another Mike during a Rolling Stones concert. When the first Mike found out about it he had a mini heart attach and we had to take him to the paramedics at Candlestick Park. They kept asking us what drugs he was on and when we told them none they didn’t believe us because we were teenagers.

In our sophomore year of high school the second Mike moved to Iowa with his mom and Laura went with them. She said she liked it there because, on the most part, people in Iowa weren’t that good looking and, comparatively, she was hot. In California she was just the middle of the road. She felt like she didn’t stand a chance.

My former best friend didn’t marry the second Mike she married another man. She had somehow missed the chance to run for Miss Iowa so after she got married she ran for Mrs. Iowa. She told me that at the interview they had asked her what she would do to resolve the current sausage situation. She thought about it for a while then admitted to them that she wasn’t aware of any sausage situation. Apparently they had asked about a hostage situation but she hadn’t heard them right. Yes, she is a blonde.

Nothing makes any sense anymore

2008-06-14T11:36:00.001-07:00

My boob doctor is a black man.

Watch

2008-06-13T18:46:00.000-07:00

In April I lost my watch. It wasn't an expensive watch and it didn’t have any sentimental value, I just don’t like loosing things. Also, I had just bought a new band for the old watch before I lost it. If you are a teacher and a wedding photographer you kind of need to know what time it is. I went about a week without a watch thinking I’d find it but it never showed up. Finally, just before I went off to shoot a wedding, I broke down and bought a watch at Walgreen’s for $9.99. It wasn’t bad looking but it had a plastic band. Yesterday, after two months of thinking my old watch would show up, I gave up and went and bought a new band for my new watch. It looks exactly like the plastic band. I can barely tell the difference. Last night at halftime during my soccer game I was standing next to my soccer bag and when I looked down at it I could see my old watch face staring up at me from inside the pocket.

Foxy

2008-06-02T11:18:00.000-07:00

On the way home from my soccer game last Thursday I saw a fox. It ran in front of my car in Golden Gate Park. OK. It wasn’t after my soccer game. It was after I went to the bar after my soccer game. But I really did see it. I called a few people on the team to tell them I’d seen a fox and they all believed me this time. About a year ago I was the last to leave the soccer field because I was making a phone call or something and when I drove up to the stop sign a coyote crossed the street. It poked it’s head into a bunch of gofer holes then ran off. There is no mistaking a coyote for a dog but when I called one of my teammates at the bar to tell him about it I could tell he didn’t believe me. He passed on the word to others at the bar but I could tell they didn’t believe me either. About a week after that the headline in the SF Chronicle was, “Coyotes in Golden Gate Park!”

When I was a kid I grew up in Stinson Beach on a ranch. We were the last house on the hill before you went into the forest. There was a fox and a wolf we would see periodically. Probably the last fox and the last wolf in the area. When my brother, the neighbor kids and I would be playing we would get that feeling that someone was watching us and when we looked up there would be the fox or the wolf staring at us. Someone eventually shot the wolf but I’m not sure what happened to the fox. He just stopped making an appearance eventually. We also saw Mountain Lions once in a while. I don’t know why they didn’t eat us. We would wonder up the hill and into the woods and we would be gone all day. Cannon was 7, I was 5 and Case and Virgil were only 3. It could have only been the numbers that kept them away. Or maybe the hand-me-downs we wore. Or maybe they were just curious like we were.

Cinco de Mayo-Monday the 5th of May, 2008

2008-05-09T16:17:00.000-07:00

On Monday someone called a local radio show here in SF to find out what day Cinco de Mayo was on.

It Wasn't My Idea

2008-05-03T18:51:00.000-07:00

A bunch of people wanted me to start a blog because they said they liked my writings. They said they were funny. But before starting this blog I’m pretty sure my sense of humor moved to a new town. If I knew where it went I would go join it but it left without a forwarding address. Did you know that the older you get the less you laugh? But then they say that every 10 years you get 5 percent happier. I’d have to say that is pretty right on for me. I was wondering what percent you start at though. If you start at 0 when you are born then you are only 5 percent happy when you hit 10. Well, that sounds about right in my case. But, then by the time you hit 80 years old that would mean you would only be 40% happy. That sucks.

New Solution

2008-04-20T22:47:00.000-07:00

I've come up with a new way for galleries to cut costs on expenses at opening receptions. It is also a way to cut back on plastic cup waste. Instead of hiring a bartender or making a receptionist stay late to pour wine and supply snacks galleries could just let visitors bob for apples in a barrel of wine. I was thinking red wine.

Ann Chamberlain

2008-04-19T19:12:00.000-07:00

October 30, 1951-April 18, 2008

Entrepreneur

2008-04-18T19:58:00.000-07:00

My brother is going to start a new clothing line. It's going to be called Martin Luther Bling.

Greetings from San Francisco

2008-03-14T19:45:00.000-07:00