Moving Up

I recently graduated from a meditation class that took up three nights of my week. One of my classmates asked me what I was going to do with my free time. "Maybe I'll go on a date!" I said.

"I thought you already had a boyfriend," she said. I looked confused so she went on. "I thought you were dating that man that I've seen you with around here." I had no idea who she was talking about. Later it came to me. Gerald! She thought I was dating a 24 year old black man. 24 is not a man that is still a boy. I do think black men are the bomb but I like them about 26 years older than 24. Like, say, Idris Elba.

Deja vu or just bad genes

I didn't realize this till afterwards but the same thing happened to me last year. I woke up the other morning to a Bluejay making a whole lot of noise. Later in the day I went out to deliver the rent check across the street and all the gangstas who smoke pot on my front stairs were sitting there. I said something about the noisy bird and on of them said, "Yeah. And there is another one down there." He pointed to the stairs by the mailboxes. "The other one keeps feeding it," he continued. He had pointed at a big baby Bluejay puffball sitting on the edge of a flower pot. "Oh, no!" I said. "Something is going to eat it." "Don't pick it up! It will bite you!" Yelled one of the gangstas. I picked it up and put it in the pocket of my hoodie then went and got the ladder from the back yard. The gangstas held the ladder for me while I put the baby Bluejay in the tree. A week later he is still there. Now he has a tail and wings and is practicing his flying techniques. Last year was not such a happy story. This baby Bluejay is much smarter than his brother.

A Real Hum Dinger

Today I went to Rainbow Grocery, the local natural food store, and I parked next to a Hummer in the garage. I can't believe the parking attendant even let it in there. Rainbow is so militant they don't even sell meat products at that store. Except for the dog and cat food. But don't tell them. I don't think they know it.

The Great Flood of York Street

Workers broke a water main up the street from my house. It was exciting. Something out of the ordinary. But most of all it made it look like someplace else.

Fourth of July

I went on a camping trip for the fourth of July weekend. Before I left I went and got my legs waxed. The woman asked me all the normal questions. Do I have kids, do I have a husband, what will I be doing for the holiday. As I was leaving she said to me, "Maybe you will get a boyfriend on your camping trip." I kind of did. I got a pain in my neck. From sleeping on the ground. Three twisted vertebra that were pinching two nerves. I totally have to break up.

Better Than Fair

Yesterday I went to the fair. This is what I ate:

1. Corn Dog
2. Lemonade
3. Ice cream
4. Nachos
5. Pizza
6. Hot dog

Twins

I have two sisters. Right now one is in Mexico and the other is in New Mexico.

When my nephew was learning to talk he called my sister Whitney Te Te. My brother Virgil called her Teats for short. Whitney is the sister who is in Mexico and and nobody where she is staying can pronounce her name so they call her Weenie. Her two nicknames are Teats and Weenie.