Reason to move

My best friend in junior high was a born liar, a cheat and a thief. Once a man dropped 10-dollar bill on the floor at the 7-11 and after I pointed it out to him she was so mad at me I thought she was going to kill me.

In the seventh grade she had a babysitting job after school that was two doors up the street from her house. The mother was a drop dead gorgeous blonde with a rich husband. Everything my friend wanted in life. After school the mom would pick up my friend and take her up the hill. Once I went with them and they stopped at the store and bought a can of chocolate frosting and ate the entire thing with their fingers before they got to the house. They didn’t even offer me any.

Both of my friend’s parents worked. We were often at her house alone. In the eight grade she started inviting boys over. The one’s she could manipulate. Whenever she got to the part where she wanted to play strip poker I would tell her I had to call my mom and check to see what time I had to be home. My mom would always tell me to come home whenever I wanted to. I would hang up the phone and say my mom wanted me home.

My friend left her first boyfriend, Mike, for another Mike during a Rolling Stones concert. When the first Mike found out about it he had a mini heart attach and we had to take him to the paramedics at Candlestick Park. They kept asking us what drugs he was on and when we told them none they didn’t believe us because we were teenagers.

In our sophomore year of high school the second Mike moved to Iowa with his mom and Laura went with them. She said she liked it there because, on the most part, people in Iowa weren’t that good looking and, comparatively, she was hot. In California she was just the middle of the road. She felt like she didn’t stand a chance.

My former best friend didn’t marry the second Mike she married another man. She had somehow missed the chance to run for Miss Iowa so after she got married she ran for Mrs. Iowa. She told me that at the interview they had asked her what she would do to resolve the current sausage situation. She thought about it for a while then admitted to them that she wasn’t aware of any sausage situation. Apparently they had asked about a hostage situation but she hadn’t heard them right. Yes, she is a blonde.