Gobble

A couple of weekends ago a bunch of us from SF went up to a crab feed in Valley Ford. It's a fundraiser for the fire department there. It's the fourth time I've gone and I look forward to it all year long. $40 for all the crab you can eat. When were there my friend, Marc Capelle who organizes the event event every year, told us that when the Google bus goes past his house on 24th St. in SF he looses cell and internet service. Talk about all you can eat!

When Push Comes To Shove

It's Official

My friend, Bob, is my new official photographer. He is the only one who is allowed to take pictures of me because he makes me look like a million bucks. Here is a photo of me in the LBJ Oval Office in Austin, TX.

Neck Pain

Neck pain is a real pain in the neck. Never go camping and never sleep on your stomach. The two of those really don't go together very well because when you wake up your second vertebra will be twisted to one side and a year and a half later it still won't be in the right place and it will be pinching a nerve and making your eyeball hurt.

SF and TX

Last Wednesday was the parade for the Giants World Series win. I cancelled my class since most of my student wanted to attend the festivities. I went too. I camped out in the window at SFCamerawork on the second floor at Market and Sixth Streets. It looked like each player got a new Lexus convertible and a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader for all their efforts.

Red and Green

For Halloween my student, Mitch, found a parrot on the way to school. The parrot was lying lifeless on the sidewalk and some tourists were trying to pick it up with a newspaper so they could move it to the bushes. Mitch picked up the parrot and brought it to class. Funny thing is he already has a parrot at home. The parrot was pressed up against his chest with it's eyes closed while Mitch rubbed the back of it's head. I told Mitch that the parrot was his new best friend and maybe he and the parrot were meant for each other but he kept telling me that he was going to leave early so he could drop it off at the SPCA. After a while the parrot's eyes opened and before we knew it it was awake and standing on Mitch's shoulder. Mitch left class early to take the parrot home.

Orange and Black

For the past few weeks it has been hard to tell if people have been wearing orange and black in support of the Giants or in preparation for Halloween. Tomorrow it is Halloween AND there is a parade and celebration downtown for the Giants world series win. The other day my friend told me that orange is the color of success. I think I need to start wearing more orange.

Dilemma

This summer I went on a cruise to Turkey and Greece with my grandmother, my aunt, and her husband. It was a fancy affair. The ship was mostly full of Americans and they seemed to all be people who had made it. Made it to the top. The top ten percent. That place that we all strive to get to. The American Dream. Or maybe Heaven on Earth. It is the same place actors arrive at when they stop being good actors because they are removed from everyday day life and they only draw from a distant memories instead of experiences. The cruise was lovely, the food was amazing, I was treated like a princess, I got more relaxed than I have been in years, but I came home without any stories. When people would ask me how my trip was all I could say was, "It was nice." I have a friend who fought his way from dirt poor to the top ten percent and, now that he is there, he is bored out of his gourd. Since this summer, after I got to see what Heaven is like, I have been wondering if that is really a place I want to aspire to be. We went to Greece where they are in the middle of economic hardship and all we saw were the pretty parts. The safe places. Then, on Sunday evening, I was walking home from the Castro after watching the Giants game and I almost got robbed at gunpoint. Again. Or a knife pulled on me. Something, but I didn't stick around to find out. I've seen it before and I know what it looks like. The man walking toward me looked to one side, then to the other to see if anyone was around. He looked straight at me while he reached down into a pocket on the side of his leg by his knee. As I was running in the opposite direction all I was thinking was, "I'll take the 10%, please."

Alice and Alice

Sometimes the two guys who meet up and smoke pot on my front steps at least 3 times a day will end up on the doorstep of someone else's house just down the block. Usually, when I catch them there I say, "What? My steps aren't good enough." But the other day I walked past them standing in front of opponents house and asked them if they knew that they hung out in front of Alice's house and Alice's house. They didn't know what I was talking about so I told them that I was Alice and the other woman's house they smoked pot in front of was also Alice. I think it was too much for their state of mind to take in. "Whoa," was all they could say.

Rivalries

This weekend, besides my soccer game, there are the baseball playoffs. And the 49ers have a game. And the Blue Angels are here for Fleet Week. And there are preliminary races for the America's Cup sailing. And don't forget about the Hardly Strictly Blue Grass concert in Golden Gate Park and the Castro Street fair. Here is a picture of these high school kids who smoke pot on my front steps two to three times a day. They are best friends but you might not know that from this photo. Here they look like enemies.

Alice's Restaurant

Yesterday I went to a cafe near my house to sit and have a cup of tea and work on something. A hipster man in his 20's and a hipster woman in her 20's sat down at a table near me and immediately started complaining about their co-worker. Alice this. Alice that. They kept going on and on and saying the name Alice over and over. Finally their food came and they stopped talking while they stuffed their faces. It wasn't long before the table next to them started complaining about someone they knew. Her name was also Alice. The couple at the first table looked at each other and laughed. I didn't think it wasn't funny, it was distracting. I had to leave.

Upside Down

The cafe near my apartment, The Deli Up Cafe, just closed down. I guess it went belly up.

Smoking Hot Nurses

One of my neighbor's must not be doing to well because there are shifts of nurses that stand in front of my house smoking cigarettes and talking on their cell phones when they are on their break. Every time I pass one on the way in or out of my apartment they are dressed only in scrubs while I am bundled up in my down jacket.

Soccer and Photography Collide

I've been playing soccer in SF for 12 years. I have my soccer friends and I have my photography friends and they are very separate from each other. Yesterday they melded into one. After our game yesterday I went to a birthdays party for one of my teammate's. There is this nice, fun, and goofy guy from Israel there who I play with from time to time and I was talking to his wife. Somehow the subject of me teaching photo at SF State came up and she said, "Did you know that Barak is going to SF State for photo?" I did not. All this time and I didn't even know he was a photographer. She went inside to tell him and he came out with his hands in the air and said, "Alice! What the fuck!"

Somewhere

Yesterday I left Rainbow Grocery and this is what I saw when I walked out to the parking lot. It started at Best Buy and ended on the freeway. It was spectacular.

Jesus Christ

Here is just something I've been thinking about. You know how hippies wanted to look like Jesus and they wanted to give up their earthly belongings and live like Jesus and they wanted to think like Jesus? Well, then why did they reject his religion? If you know the answer please pass it on. I grew up in Marin County in the 70's and I don't know any Christian hippies. Buddhists maybe, but no Christians.

The Cut

Today I got cut off on the freeway by a blonde woman in her red Lexus. Her license plate read, 4BBDOL. Do you think that was Barbie doll or baby doll? Either way I think she is used to getting whatever she wants.

Blanched

Yesterday I had to go to Photo Supply and pick up some lights for a job. I parked and looked at the meter and there was still half an hour left on it. So, I decided to go to the cafe a block away just across the street from South Park. I headed over and realized that the entire park was filled with Woody Allen's film crew. He's been filming a movie here in SF. It doesn't have a working name yet. Or not that anyone knows of. I got some tea and sat at a table outside. The music was too loud inside. It looked like the shoot must have been over because the crew was milling about and a bunch of guys with multiple walkie talkies on their belts got into a brown van and it drove off. About 15 minutes later the brown van pulled up again and Cate Blanchett got out. She was dressed to the nines but didn't have on any make-up and her hair was wet. She looked at me, looked at the ground, and walked off. Obviously the shooting hadn't begun yet.

0 to 65 mph in ten seconds

This week my nephew started kindergarden. I went with my brother to pick up Grey after his first day on Monday. We asked him how it went and he said, "It was the worst day of my life. Just like every day." This was coming from Mr. Happy Go Lucky Spoiled To Death. He didn't start kindergarden, he started high school!

Drunk Driving

Last week I stayed out too late at the bar after our soccer game like I usually do. It's always Paul's fault. Sometimes it's hard to find a parking space when I get home, but, this time when I turned onto my block, there was a spot just down from my apartment. It was just sitting there. Empty. I parked, went inside, and climbed right into bed without even taking a shower. It was so late and I was so tired. I don't have much work right now so I left my car in the same spot for three days before I had to move it for street cleaning. It was then when I realized why nobody else had nabbed that parking place. Why it had been just sitting there waiting there for me. My car was covered with crap from the drunken birds who had been eating the fermented plumbs that were also falling on my car and had dried to it. Those birds in the tree sounded so happy. Like my soccer team mates celebrating our win. I moved my car out of the way of the street sweeper to the car wash.

What It Is

Why can't people just say it like it is? Why do they call it a lip wax? Nobody has hair on their lips. Nobody. "Hi! I'm hear for a mustache wax." It's a mustache.

Part of the Top Ten Percent

I was listening to a photographer on the radio last week and he was talking about photographing people's "good side." He said that 90% of us have our good side on the left. Mine is on the right. Also, I've heard that 90% of people with gout are men. I have gout.

Science Fiction

I was listening to a show on the radio a while back about science fiction writing and apparently it is not a popular as it was back in, say, the 50's and one of the reasons they think this is the case is because we used to look forward to the future as a better place but now we are trying to put on the breaks because things are looking a little bleak with global warming and other things of that sort. Or, maybe it's because all that sci-fi stuff is already here. I remember how outlandish it was in the old Star Trek TV series when they would pull out their flip phones and talk to someone on the starship from some planet they were on. I took two trips this summer and they were true vacations. No computers, no email, no cell phones, no driving, and no news. Just life back to the basics. There was nothing to pull me out of my present state. Nothing to distract me from the task at hand. If I wanted to talk to someone I had to go find them and talk to their face. The old fashioned way. When I got home life seemed a little overwhelming and a little science fiction and I'm still having trouble figuring out what normal is. Society seems to be moving in one direction and I might be moving in another. Maybe it is, as my brother says, time to go build that bunker out in the woods.

Champs. Again.

My soccer team won the championship playoffs once again. The only problem with this photo is that I am not in it. I was in the air flying home from Athens.

Greased Turkey

I just got back from a cruise to Greece and Turkey with my grandmother, my aunt, and her husband. It was the most decadent experience I've ever had. I was papered like a baby. I didn't have to think for myself or clean up after myself. Just eat, crap, and see new things. And my eyes were wide open just like a baby's. Here is a photo of another cruise ship from our vessel and all the plates that went along with my soup.

Birch/Breach

Noir

Tonight I ate dinner and was thinking of getting ready for bed when I realized that I had forgotten to return a video. I put on my down jacket and walked up to Valencia Street. It was cold and windy and the weather was making me grouchy and I thought about going home and writing to my friend, Tony, in Brazil to tell him I'm moving there. It's one place I know is hot all the time. At Lost Weekend Video I told Ben, who works there, that my good friend, Gerald, had moved back to New York City today. Ben and Gerald used to shoot the shit and if Ben hadn't seen Gerald in a while he would ask me where Gerald had been and what he was up to. I left the video store and started walking home. There was a black man walking in front of me and he was walking at an oddly slow pace. I past him and he said, "Why does everyone in this town walk so much faster than I do?" So, he walked me all the way home and guess where his was from? Yes, Nigeria. And guess what he talked about the entire way to my apartment? Yes, how he can't believe how great the weather is here. "The best weather in the world," he kept saying.

Senior Moments

I'm back from art camp in Maine where I had three cabin mates. I couldn't ever remember their names. I was the youngest one in the cabin so I had to sleep in the loft. The loft was all windows so I woke up at 5 a.m. every day. Next I'm off for a cruise to Turkey and Greece with my grandma.

Fire Ants

When I go to sleep at night in the loft in the cabin I'm staying in in Maine I can hear something that sounds like a crackling fire. It would be nice if it was an actual crackling fire because it is cold at night here even though it is summer. It turns out that the sound I've been hearing is Carpenter Ants eating the walls of the cabin. Maybe they should rename them Fire Ants.

Seabird

I'm in Maine right now and there is a seabird here that sounds just like a chicken. Is it a Sea Chicken or a Chicken of the Sea? I wonder if it tastes like chicken or fish? It probably tastes like lobster.

Lights Out

Sunday before last I was sitting at home with nothing to do. It was a usual cold and windy summer night that makes you want to stay home. But I decided, "Fuck it! I'm going to the 75th anniversary of the Golden Gate Bridge." I had made dinner plans at a restaurant with a group of friends to watch the festivities but it fell apart. I jumped on my bike and rode to the Marina just in time to see the fireworks start. Some of the best fireworks I've ever seen. Almost as good as Bastille Day in France in the rain in 1987. I couldn't see cuz I'm so damned short so I did something I would never normally do. I got up on the hood of a brand new white SUV in the police parking lot so I could see. I had a great view. But for some reason they turned the lights out on the bridge! Wasn't that what it was all about? When I went home I rode my bike passed city hall. They usually light it to reflect what is happening outside the walls of the hall. Pink for Valentine's Day. Green and red for Christmas. It was glowing orange that night. I thought it was Halloween.

Brush With Fame

I have this package I have been trying to send for days. Last week I went to the local video store/post office but they were closed for vacation. Yesterday I went back and the door was open but the windows were all blacked out. I must have been distracted and didn't see the closed sign on the door. When I walked in the usual nice moms weren't there. The place was full of hot chicks and dudes. This guy came up to me and said, "Are you here for the shoot?" When I looked confused he told me that they were making an adult film and they needed extras if I wanted to be in it. I told him that I needed to go to work and everyone in the place said, "Oh, you should stay." But I had to go. I have a feeling I missed my 15 minutes with fame. Last night I went and trimmed weed for some extra cash. It was the classic set up. A ware house in the Bayview with an ill behaved pit bull named Sierra. A toilet but no sink. Just a hose going into the bathtub from the other room. Posters of naked women on the walls and an A's game on the radio. The guy who hired me was half an hour late and not quite all there when he finally arrived. He kept asking me the same questions over and over and remembering my answers wrong if he remembered them at all. He would leave for a while then come back more stoned and drunk every time. The first time he came back and did a deal. He told the guys about getting pulled over by the same cop twice in one night when he was so drunk he shouldn't have been driving at all. He left another time and came back with different guy and they played with guns and BMX bikes for a while. At the end of the night he owed me $100 and he handed me a five by accident because he was so toasted. I couldn't make this shit up. I have a feeling things are going down hill.

Another Reason I Should Stop Teaching

I found one more reason I should probably stop teaching. I am starting to think I am a bad influence. I finished the semester at DVC (Diablo Valley College-my dad calls it The Devil College) and one of my students, for his final, photographed himself doing things he is not supposed to do. Like holding a gun to someone's head at a In and Out Burger. Or ordering at the drive-thru without a car AND buck naked. Also, spray painting on a big cement wall, "Alice Shaw made me do it."

Location, Location, Location

My friend, who lives in upstate New York near where I was born, saw a sign the other day in someone's front yard that read, "FOR SALE-Free Kittens." Now I know where I get it all from.

Empty

Yesterday I was at Rainbow Grocery, the local health food store, getting spices in their bulk foods section. I happened to look at a shelf down below where I was standing and there was a jar for something called Memory Tea. It was empty. And it had a sign on it saying, "Temporarily Unavailable."

Lesson Learned

I think it might be time to stop teaching. I love it but nobody is hiring full-time teachers and, as a part-time teacher, I'm making the same amount of money I was 10 years ago. And with all the budget cuts things are not looking good. Not sure what is next. If I want to find a teaching job I will have to move to Northern Minnesota. Or maybe I will just move to Brazil. In the meantime, with no work, I've been occupying my time by going sailing on the bay, trips up the coast to eat oysters, going to see roller derby, the beach, and much, much more.

Fog

Every year, for the past three years, I've gone to the psychic fair to get my aura photographed. For years I've seen them in photography books and always wanted my own. This year was, um, different. If I hadn't been wearing a necklace I'm not sure I would have known it was me. There is a man who takes the Polaroid then he hands it off to one of his foxy female readers to tell you what it all means. When the reader picked up my photograph and looked at it she said, "Hmm. Looks like he photographed my shirt." Then she laughed. Then she asked me if I was worrying a lot and if I had any "beings" in my space. I have been worrying too much and I'm pretty sure there has been a ghost keeping me up at night.

Ambushed

Last weekend my friend invited me to Ladies Night at her yacht club in Sausalito. Turns out it was Ladies Who Like The Ladies Night.

Time Heals All...

Yesterday I talked to a friend who is having a hard time getting used to living in a third world country. Then I talked to another friend who is having a hard time getting used to her new BMW. Some things just take time.

Angel

One of my angels showed up in the form of a CHP officer the other day. I was driving home on the freeway and the traffic slowed then picked back up. I was in the fast lane and my old car has a hard time catching back up. I looked in my rear view mirror and there was a $60,000.00 red BMW on my tail. The guy was driving so close behind me I couldn't see his headlights. I looked down and I was going 70 mph. I figured that was fast enough plus my car doesn't like to go much faster than that and I was still going faster than the traffic in the other lanes. Then, from out of nowhere, there was a motorcycle cop driving between lanes next to the sports car. The officer leaned over and looked in the window of the BMW and motioned with his hand to "back off and slow down." Then he was gone again.

Resurrection

There is a little bit of Africa right outside my house. And, no, I don't mean the man who robbed me at gunpoint is back. Well, maybe. I was walking home Easter day and I witnessed a shootout. I froze and waited to see if it would get worse. Like waiting to see if an earthquake is going to stop or go on. I was on my way home from the annual Hunky Jesus contest in Dolores Park. There was a Jesus carrying a large wooded H. He got up on stage and threw candy to the crowd. He was Sweet Jesus H Christ! Then there was the black Jesus. He was MLKJ. The winner was not a Hunky Jesus but rather a Funky Jesus. He turned his big cross into a base guitar and rocked the crowd.

Seconds

I've decided that second hand clothes are a lot like second hand smoke. They smell like someone else.

An Ocean Apart

I've been watching Brazilian movies lately like Bus 174 and Elite Squad. I've decided not to watch anymore Brazilian movies and watch Portuguese movies instead. Portuguese movies and boring romantic films that put you to sleep. Brazilian movies are horror flicks that give you nightmares.

RIP Bill

My dad's friend was on his way down from Oregon to go to my opening on the 9th and he died on the bus. He was a high plains drifter. It was the perfect place for him to fall asleep and not wake up. We should all be so lucky.

Red Flag

I have a feeling I've been watching too much Son's of Anarchy because I got a red card in my soccer game for trying to kill someone.

Hotter than Hell

Last weekend I went to Stanford and back and it was exactly 66.6 miles. I knew it! I went there to see the Walker Evans show. It's the hottest thing around.

F Line

I think I'm in the wrong line of work. The other day I saw a MUNI bus driver walking to his car. It was a BMW SUV.

Guilty Pleasures

Last night I took a bath in Dead Sea sea salts and washed my hair with Brazilian rain forest shampoo. All things that are disappearing. At least they were gifts and I didn't purchase them myself. Now all I need are some conflict diamonds and an iPhone.

Framed

I just had a show in Sacramento and I think I spent more time framing the show than I did making the work.