The Cut

Today I got cut off on the freeway by a blonde woman in her red Lexus. Her license plate read, 4BBDOL. Do you think that was Barbie doll or baby doll? Either way I think she is used to getting whatever she wants.

Blanched

Yesterday I had to go to Photo Supply and pick up some lights for a job. I parked and looked at the meter and there was still half an hour left on it. So, I decided to go to the cafe a block away just across the street from South Park. I headed over and realized that the entire park was filled with Woody Allen's film crew. He's been filming a movie here in SF. It doesn't have a working name yet. Or not that anyone knows of. I got some tea and sat at a table outside. The music was too loud inside. It looked like the shoot must have been over because the crew was milling about and a bunch of guys with multiple walkie talkies on their belts got into a brown van and it drove off. About 15 minutes later the brown van pulled up again and Cate Blanchett got out. She was dressed to the nines but didn't have on any make-up and her hair was wet. She looked at me, looked at the ground, and walked off. Obviously the shooting hadn't begun yet.

0 to 65 mph in ten seconds

This week my nephew started kindergarden. I went with my brother to pick up Grey after his first day on Monday. We asked him how it went and he said, "It was the worst day of my life. Just like every day." This was coming from Mr. Happy Go Lucky Spoiled To Death. He didn't start kindergarden, he started high school!

Drunk Driving

Last week I stayed out too late at the bar after our soccer game like I usually do. It's always Paul's fault. Sometimes it's hard to find a parking space when I get home, but, this time when I turned onto my block, there was a spot just down from my apartment. It was just sitting there. Empty. I parked, went inside, and climbed right into bed without even taking a shower. It was so late and I was so tired. I don't have much work right now so I left my car in the same spot for three days before I had to move it for street cleaning. It was then when I realized why nobody else had nabbed that parking place. Why it had been just sitting there waiting there for me. My car was covered with crap from the drunken birds who had been eating the fermented plumbs that were also falling on my car and had dried to it. Those birds in the tree sounded so happy. Like my soccer team mates celebrating our win. I moved my car out of the way of the street sweeper to the car wash.

What It Is

Why can't people just say it like it is? Why do they call it a lip wax? Nobody has hair on their lips. Nobody. "Hi! I'm hear for a mustache wax." It's a mustache.

Part of the Top Ten Percent

I was listening to a photographer on the radio last week and he was talking about photographing people's "good side." He said that 90% of us have our good side on the left. Mine is on the right. Also, I've heard that 90% of people with gout are men. I have gout.